Beta blocker

For me, the gym is many things; it is a source of release, focus, passion, excitement, exertion, and pain. And of course, frustration. Frustration at my physical limitations as I learn, struggle, fail, build, and grow. Recently, I found a new frustration: unwanted beta.

I do understand the need and value of beta, which I believe is absolutely necessary, especially at my level, but I didn't understand the concept of beta spraying until I was at the receiving end of it on Sunday. Because I'm relatively new to climbing, I've grown accustomed to hearing friends shout out tips and point out holds from below as I labor up a new or difficult route, but there are two routes that have angered me lately because they have found ways to defeat me, and the added cacophony of beta is only making it worse.

The mental side of climbing is, in many ways, more difficult for me to overcome than the physical challenges. Probably because I enjoy climbing so much it is fun no matter how difficult it is. It feels great, and I enjoy the rewards of exhaustion and satisfaction when I complete a climb - even if unsuccessfully or with some hangdogging (<-- I learned a new word). BUT, when I feel defeated by something I KNOW I can do, there is a greater level of frustration that elevates at the smallest provocation.

I tied in on Sunday to try, while I was fresh and focused, one of the routes that has been troubling me, but immediately I felt blood rush to my ears as I heard the unmistakable sounds of beta innocently being tossed my way. The worst part is I know it was meant to be friendly and helpful, but I realized at that moment how incredibly frustrating it can be when you have a strong desire to prove something to yourself - even if for no good reason. I was moving slowly, deliberately, thinking out each step, each hold, each turn of my body, but once it hit me, I couldn't get my focus back. The surge of anger and frustration coursed through my veins and made it difficult for me to care if I finished. I made it up without any problems, but there was no feeling of elation or satisfaction. Instead I felt cheated. I really wanted to do this for myself. Was I being melodramatic? Of course I was, but there are things in life you can't explain, things that are beyond reason and maturity. And this was one of those things.


Obviously I can do it again (well, unless they set a new route before my next visit), but that started my day at the gym on such a bad note. I explained my frustration to my belayer (poor Howie), and apologized through gritted teeth, only to be introduced to a clever new term: beta blocking (note: this is not an actual accepted term, but I sure like it). Howie explained that if a climber receives unwanted beta, it is the belayer's job to block it, thus acting as a beta blocker. (Come on, you have to admit that's pretty good.)

It took some time for me to get back into my zone and climb again, for my blood to settle back into its usual pace and flow, but you wanna know how I blew off some steam? I bouldered. And you know what?

I kind of enjoyed it.